Alternate Blade Works
by Deux Silences
Summary: Kirei Kotomine gained a valuable tool upon finding a girl with miraculous healing abilities in the inferno which razed Fuyuki City. Ten years of utter isolation made her power strong. When her will to live waned, the promise of salvation restored it. Atosaki Kurokawa is then made the servant of a Servant, a certain man who slowly uncovers the scars she had carried for so long.
1. I - The Very First Night

There was not a single thing left for her to hold onto; all she had now were meaningless tears and words filled with hatred. That, and a wish to vanish. The coming nights would be so long.

Atosaki Kurokawa had been born with a gift which never truly manifested until one fateful day. At the tender age of nine, the girl lost everything to a mysterious, unexplained conflagration: her parents, her home, even her will to live. She never understood how it happened, how the entirety of Fuyuki City was violently set ablaze, how she managed to survive, until she met the man known as Kirei Kotomine. She would always regret their encounter, from the way he found her half-dead and face-down in the mud to the answers he provided in the aftermath.

He called her a latent magus, a possessor of healing at that: one in a billion. The power to bend life to his will without breaking it was something he desired. And so he kept the girl as a long-term project. She never saw the light of day for ten years, left to languish in the basement of Kotomine Church with only her healing abilities keeping her alive, both in a physical and mental sense. She wanted to die, he knew, but it would not allow that. Self-preservation played a key role in this case. When he started denying the girl nourishment, she fell into a deep slumber, a comatose state in which her power grew exponentially as time passed. He had almost forgotten about her until the beginning of the Fifth Holy Grail War drew near.

"Do you remember the name you told me, girl?" he asked after he unsealed her vault and woke her. It was a disgusting scene.

She shook her head and spoke only a single word through trembling lips: "No."

"You shall be called Kurokawa," Kotomine told her, "the black river. It will carve your path into the future so long as you embrace it."

From there he fed her fables of the Holy Grail and the wish it would grant him if he won the War. He claimed he intended to restore what was lost ten years ago, and even after she realized how much time had gone by, that became her sole salvation, a new reason to live.

Soon Kotomine introduced the girl to someone he called his Servant. Her only duty was to follow him and ensure he successfully battled each of the other six Servants once without being defeated, providing him energy if necessary. There was no reason for her to object, except for the fact that she was absolutely terrified of Kotomine's so-called Servant.

She stared through dull brown eyes at the young man clad in blue. He seemed so vibrant and strong, everything she wasn't. If not for her fear, it would have been a primal sin, that of envy, that made her disdain him. Only the promise of the Grail bound her.

"Lancer," she said upon his introduction, "I… I don't like you."

He scoffed, a derisive smile on his lips. "Nice to meet you too."

The girl was given time to prepare for the first night of the War, and with it she merely lay in the grass outside the church, breathing the cool, fresh air, staring at the stars she never thought she would see again. Her heart skipped a beat when a full moon finally stole out from behind the clouds. She reached for it. This brief moment of reprieve was quite unceremoniously broken by an approaching Lancer and his flippant tone.

"What, never seen the sky before?"

"No," she said, lowering her hand.

He laughed heartily. "This ought to be fun."

Kurokawa stood slowly, reluctantly, and went to his side. She observed him a moment, perusing his every feature though her attention returned continually to his eyes. The irises were a deep red hue, almost captivating the way they reflected the moonlight like faceted rubies. And then there was his hair, cut short around the skull but long at the back, almost the same length as hers, only a deep azure instead of plain black. He wore it tied in a tail with a golden clasp.

"You're staring," Lancer informed her.

She didn't say anything as she turned away.

"Let's go," he said flatly. "I want to get this night over with as soon as humanly possible."

"Yes," she replied. "It's something we have in common."

They made their way into the city, and for the first time Kurokawa saw it in its state of rebirth. There were no more ashes, no more fires. No more death. She pressed her fingers to her lips to stop herself from crying.

Lancer's gaze fell upon her on more than one occasion, curious as to why the Kurokawa girl seemed so off. She just didn't look right with that pretty but sad face, like she was always about to burst into tears. Her mannerisms confused him, seeming so childish despite her appearing close to adulthood. Even when she spoke she reminded him of an adolescent, one lost and thoroughly confused.

By now her shoulders were trembling, and he conjectured it was not due to the temperature. He would have asked the reason, but his expectation of any good answer was low.

"I'm scared," she said at last.

Lancer quirked an eyebrow. "Of what, your own shadow?"

Her breath caught in her throat as she began her next sentence. "Of this… this world."

After the resulting pause, Lancer swept her up in his arms. She weighed almost nothing. "You're too slow. Just hang on."

She wanted to say something, to protest or complain, but no words came out. He felt so warm. He had her close to his chest, and she heard a heart beating inside. She couldn't remember the last time anyone held her.

Lancer raced through the empty city streets so swiftly that the scenery went by in a grayish blur. Kurokawa preferred it that way, so she did not have to see anything about the life she never had. Even if Kotomine had not found her, she would have survived. There could have been a new beginning. Difficult as it sounded, perhaps she would become part of a new family and go to school and have friends and lots of fun. Ten years of stagnation, of nothingness, each and every one of them pointed down an untraveled road.

Her heart contracted painfully as Lancer neared a school complex. She knew he was going there, even now. She had always dreamt of places like that. The concept of uniforms and studying and social hierarchy seemed so foreign to her. The thought of her old classmates, who were all surely dead, brought tears to her eyes.

Kurokawa felt herself being lowered down, and instinctively she threw her arms out around Lancer's neck.

"A clingy one, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry." She hastily clambered out of his hold.

Lancer merely shrugged. "Wait here. I'm going that way."

Kurokawa's already pale face went even whiter. "You're leaving me?"

"I'll come back," he said with a raised brow.

It took her a second to understand. She nodded, and Lancer trudged toward the school, a crunch of leaves sounding at each step. Shivers starting going up and down her spine once he went out of sight. Kotomine had only given her a plain denim dress to wear. It was a size too big on her and barely kept in heat.

"Come back soon," Kurokawa whispered, sitting down on the hard ground, knees pulled up to her chin.

She had been dozing on and off when Lancer wrapped his arms around her again.

"We're going," he growled.

"Did something happen?"

"Oh yes," was his reply.

Lancer raced through a neighborhood lined with traditional Japanese houses on either side, finally halting at a rather large one in particular. Kurokawa could only wonder what business he had there. He placed her down at the front gate before leaping onto the roof of the house and vanishing without a trace.

Part of her wanted to go inside. It looked like a nice home, perhaps belonging to a nice family. She peered around the vacant street, trying to decide whether she should follow him. The shattering of glass snapped her from contemplation. A red-haired boy holding what appeared to be a rolled-up poster had been thrown through a window, pursued by a spear-wielding Lancer. The shorter male kept running until he received a brutal kick to the side, which sent him flying into a nearby shed. She wanted to scream as Lancer jabbed at the bloodied boy with the head of his crimson weapon. The boy fell backward through the doors with a yelp while Lancer pressed on. They both disappeared inside.

"Lancer, stop it!" Kurokawa ran toward them, reaching the shed just as he was thrown out by a burst of light and directly on top of the frail girl.

"Dammit, what're you doing?" Lancer hoisted himself up and dragged her with him by the collar.

"What're _you_ doing?!" she demanded. "I didn't think killing random people was part of your job."

He tossed her aside, a scowl on his face. "He's a witness."

"What…?"

Lancer turned away from her and focused on the young, flaxen-haired woman who suddenly exited the shed. Her unexplained appearance and the armor she wore immediately told Kurokawa that she was another Servant.

They ran at each other, Lancer's spear clashing against something invisible clutched in the female Servant's hands. He jumped back, continuing to jab using his weapon at intervals, deflected successfully by the opponent each time. The redheaded boy stumbled outside, staring in awe at the two Servants. The spot right over his heart dripped red, the tan school uniform he wore bloody. Kurokawa would have wanted to help him had he not been on his feet. He stared at her in confusion when she heard Lancer's voice again.

"You coward! How dare you keep your weapon hidden?!"

That was it then, whatever the woman wielded was invisible. She struck at Lancer, pushing him back even further. He dropped into a guard position while she remained still.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Stopping mid-fight will disgrace spearmen everywhere. If you won't come to me, then I shall come to you."

"Let me ask one thing first," said Lancer. "What's your Noble Phantasm? A sword?"

Kurokawa didn't hear what the woman had to say, her mind trying to wrap itself around that term: Noble Phantasm. It sounded so elegant and so powerful, yet she had no idea what it meant.

"Get real, Saber!" he said to the Servant. "This is only our first encounter, so how about we stop now and call it a draw?"

"I think not," she said. "You will meet your end here."

"Well, my objective all along was to gather information," Lancer said, his spear beginning to steam. "I never planned to stick around if anyone's Servant showed up…"

Weapon sparking with energy, he jumped into the air and launched himself at Saber.

"…But now I'll have your heart!"

Lancer swung, only missing Saber by a narrow margin. And then he turned on his heel, grinning wildly. An ominous aura of bloodlust coiled off the tip of the lance.

"Gáe Bolg…!"

"G-gay what?" Kurokawa murmured as the spearhead struck Saber in the chest.

She reeled backward, falling to one knee and muttering something about a cause-effect reversal under her breath.

"So, you managed to avoid the death blow of my Gáe Bolg," remarked Lancer.

Saber's green eyes widened. "That's the name of your weapon? So you're Ireland's Son of Light? The Hound of Culann."

Lancer clicked his tongue. "It's too bad my identity was given away so quickly. And Servants are supposed to fight to the death if their true name is revealed…"

He walked toward Kurokawa and picked her up with one arm.

"Are you running away even with your Master present?!" asked Saber.

"Sorry, you're mistaken," said Lancer over his shoulder. "I've got orders from someone else, and he's a coward. But if you're looking to die, try chasing me."

Kurokawa watched as Saber and the red-haired boy disappeared behind them. She looked at Lancer's profile, bright against the moon's glow, as he soared from rooftop to rooftop, finally dropping into a narrow alleyway. He sighed, his spear disappearing as he slid to the ground.

"…Are you okay?" the girl asked.

"Yeah," he said grudgingly, his pride hurt more than anything else.

She sat down next to him, close but not too close. "You wanted to finish the fight."

Lancer glared at her for pointing out the obvious.

"You were trying to kill that boy before. Why?"

"One reason," said Lancer. "He saw my battle with another Servant. Rules are rules. I don't like it either. But hey, turns out he's a Master. Best way to get the Servants is to snuff out the energy source."

He noticed the way the girl shuddered when he said those things. She probably couldn't come to terms with the whole concept of the War, seeming to be a poorly versed magus who lacked any drive.

"I don't like seeing people die like that. It's not fair for their lives to be stolen from them," she said quietly. "I'll never get used to it happening, even now."

"Used to it?"

The girl said nothing more. She wrapped her arms around herself, one hand over her heart, the same spot where he had stabbed that kid, grip tightening on the material. Lancer shook his head.

"Unfortunately, wars come with death and killing. They go hand-in-hand."

Kurokawa gave him a look so imploring that even he was taken aback. She crawled closer, as if he were a fire and she wanted to get warm. He could no longer resist; he put an arm around her.

"What good are you, anyway?" he asked.

"I don't know," she answered.

* * *

><p>Well, for anyone familiar with <em>Fate x autoRAIN<em>, here is my second story to feature Atosaki Kurokawa, only for her a non-canonical version in the canon world of Fate/stay night. I hope you'll enjoy this one, and if you don't mind, please tell me what you think as you go along! It's always an absolute joy to hear your comments.


	2. II - Come Up Smiling

Lancer didn't know what he was going to do with the Kurokawa girl. She'd simply passed out while curled up against him. At first he considered ditching her in the alley, but that didn't seem right. Either way, Kotomine probably took great pleasure in burdening him with these unreasonable requests. He hadn't even specified what this girl could do, only that she would "provide energy." Perhaps he was having her keep tabs on him, though she didn't look the type either.

He carried Kurokawa as he walked back toward the school, not for a rematch—the Servant he fought earlier was probably long gone—but because he felt something off about it. There was a certain miasma of darkness steadily encroaching on the space, and of course Kotomine wanted him to find out why.

After hiding the girl in the woods, Lancer approached the main building. He scratched the back of his head while he looked at it. Apparently there was something special to kids about places like these. It was somewhat of a shame that Kurokawa and even that boy from earlier had to take part in a War at such an early age. In one classroom he found a scrap of lined paper on the floor with the message, "Please notice me, senpai!"

"Senpai, huh." Someone was clearly desperate for the attention of an upperclassman. Lancer balled it up and aimed at a trashcan, about to leave the room when he heard a shrill female cry from outside. "Shit...!"

He rushed to where he had left Kurokawa, finding the girl pinned against a tree by a woman with carnation-pink hair wearing a tight black minidress. She turned to look at him, though her eyes were obscured by a magenta-colored visor.

"I was wondering when her Servant would show up," she said in a low, sultry voice.

"Looks that way, right?" Lancer asked, his weapon not yet drawn.

"Oh?" The woman inspected the girl she believed to be his Master. "That's a bluff."

"Nope."

"I see. So you wouldn't mind if I did this?"

A tapered, nail-like dagger on a chain appeared in the woman's hand. Kurokawa's eyes widened as it was driven deep into her left shoulder.

Lancer tried not to cringe when the girl screamed and her blood gushed. "You're wasting your time. Look, she doesn't even have a Command Seal. If you want to fight me then fight me."

The woman then yanked out her weapon, eliciting another pained cry. "I saw you go after that witness before. Why don't you kill her too?"

Lancer pinched the bridge of his nose. "Again, that's not really it either. Master's orders were to keep her with me."

The Servant chuckled to herself when Kurokawa fell over, having to be caught with an arm. "Like a pet, isn't that right?"

"Something to that effect. Can I have her back now?"

"Sounds like she'd make a good bargaining chip." said the female Servant.

Lancer shrugged. "Do what you want. Wasn't my idea in the first place."

He was actually rather stunned that Kurokawa made no protest. She merely hung her head, limp frame supported by the Servant's arm. He'd hoped she would demand he save her or yell at him for being too slow.

"I think you overdid it," said Lancer, taking a step toward the Servant, motioning for her to return the girl.

"Maybe," she said, tossing Kurokawa's body at him.

He probably caught her too roughly, but she merely stared up at him, through him, eyes blank and emotionless.

"Still looking for a fight?" the rose-haired woman inquired.

"I..." He looked at Kurokawa's blood-soaked shoulder and considered what Kotomine would say. "I'm not if you aren't. Reconnaissance, that's what Master wanted. You're setting up camp here, I can tell. I've got all I need to know."

"And I can tell you're itching for battle," she said smugly. "Oh well, I have better things to do."

Lancer grit his teeth as the Servant disappeared into the shadows. He placed Kurokawa down on the grass and desperately checked the wound.

To his vast surprise, there was nothing there, no sign of ever having been stabbed to begin with, no scars and no further bleeding. Kurokawa closed her eyes as he started prodding her shoulder.

"It looks bad," she said, "but I just wanted to see how much it would hurt."

"Are you a masochist with a death wish?"

"I'm a healer."

Lancer blinked away his shock. He'd never come across someone with rapid regenerative abilities like that. "If you're like that brat from before who won't stay dead, I swear."

He was partially joking, but the other half of him wondered about the healing she described. Kotomine had left him in the dark about this one, not that their lack of communication surprised him at all.

When he turned his attention back to the girl, she'd begun struggling to breathe.

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by what I said back there."

She looked at him. "What? No, I just... remembered something. Something sad."

Lancer heaved a heavy sigh and helped her sit up. "You want me to take you home? Kotomine doesn't seem the type who'd do it himself."

"I don't have one."

He gave a little laugh of vexation. "So you live at the churc—"

"I don't have one," she repeated in the same flat tone.

Battle sounds and explosions could be heard somewhere in the distance.

Lancer slid one hand under her knees and supported her back with the other, silently lifting Kurokawa from the ground.

"Does it tire you to carry me?" she asked quietly.

"...Not at all."

She leaned her head against his chest. "I'm always so tired."

"Rest then," he told her. "It's been a long night. Longer than we wanted, huh?"

"Definitely."

"Kotomine wants me to check up on this one Master who's been lurking around the local temple. Apparently he's a teacher here, so I've got to get the jump on him now."

"A teacher?" she asked. There was a peculiar glimmer in her eyes.

"Yeah, weird job for a Master."

It seemed to be quite a distance between the school and Ryuudou Temple, but Lancer made good time. Sure enough, they spotted a tall, slim man climbing the steep steps going up the mountainside. Lancer let Kurokawa down under the cover of foliage but did not leave her side.

"We just need to watch," he said in a whisper. "If a Servant comes out, then..."

"Excuse me!" Kurokawa said loudly, already running toward the Master.

The man in the green two-piece suit put his hands up in a fighting position, like he was expecting her to attack.

"Whoops, did I startle you?" she asked, head tilted to one side. "I got kind of lost in these woods, and I saw you..."

"Do you know me?" the man responded in monotone, not relaxing by even a fraction.

"I know you're a teacher. If you work with kids, you must be a nice guy. Teaching is fun, isn't it, Mr...?"

"Kuzuki," he said with an awkward, forced cough, dropping his hands. "And I suppose so. You seem interested in education."

"Well, I never actually got proper schooling," Kurokawa admitted, "so I just think it would be nice to..."

She saw Kuzuki's eyes shift behind his glasses from her to where Lancer was. If he discovered him, she was going to sorely regret her outburst.

"It would be nice to talk with lots of students and teachers," she finished.

Kuzuki focused back on her. "...You sound like a kind girl."

"You think?"

He nodded solemnly.

She felt a smile play on her lips, for the first time in forever. "I hope that making other people happy can bring Mr. Kuzuki lots of happiness."

"I wish it could," he said, slowly continuing to walk up the stairs.

Kurokawa followed behind him. "Are you unhappy with how things are?"

Kuzuki remained silent.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I guess through all the gloom we have to look for that ray of light."

It might have been hypocritical for her to say that, but Kotomine's promise could be considered hers. Or perhaps, that was not quite it...

"Yes," Kuzuki said. "When I think about it, there is one for me."

After a moment of being stared at hopefully by Kurokawa, he added, "It's someone I love."

She stopped abruptly. Kuzuki turned around and watched her, guard up again.

"You're lucky. I've never actually been in love. Well… maybe I'm getting there." She knew she shouldn't say this to him, but she let it out anyway. "I pray that you two will be very happy, always."

He scrutinized her a moment. "I will do the same for you, then."

"Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry about being a bother at such a late hour. I should go."

Kuzuki turned, and then paused. "Indeed, it's dangerous for a girl like you to be out alone. Take great precaution, we live in dangerous times."

And Kurokawa knew what he was talking about. "I will. Bye for now, Mr. Kuzuki."

She walked quickly down the stairs, almost tripping a few times because of how unused she was to being on her feet. At the base of the mountain, both Kuzuki and the temple were far from sight, so she assumed it safe.

"You're an idiot," said Lancer's voice in a low rumble.

He materialized right beside Kurokawa, her heart nearly stopped momentarily by the shock. She was unable tell if he was angry from the tone of his voice alone.

"I know," she said, staring at the ground, not knowing what else to say.

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced her eyes to meet his. She thought he might slap her for what she'd done.

"Idiot," he said again, letting her go. She seemed relieved when he did.

The girl's lack of self-control was almost laughable, her sense of self-preservation somewhere in the same category. Not only did she openly throw herself at an unknown enemy, she had jeopardized the entire mission, which was to merely observe at present. They wouldn't have gained much information either way, but Lancer was beginning to be irked by her audacity, even more by the way she talked to the opposition like an old friend. He wondered if she knew that they were all going to die soon.

The things she said to Kuzuki stuck fast in his head, like they were pieces of a puzzle he had to put together. A girl with no home and no past, no one to cling to and nowhere to go. No, it seemed deeper than that. He'd seen the sorrow etched in her features, the sorrow of a person killed hundreds of times on the inside.

Lancer realized that he'd broken into a sprint. He expected to find Kurokawa somewhere miles back, but she only trailed a few feet behind him.

She panted a bit, but otherwise seemed fine—fine on the outside. "Don't hold up on my account."

"Hey, come over here," Lancer said, and she did. He wanted to ask her things, only because having more than one rather questionable partner made him uneasy, but he saw something different in her face, a certain brightness which hadn't been there before.

"Did talking to that Master make you happy?"

"Yes," she said. "I... haven't talked to anyone for a long time."

Kurokawa looked up at Lancer and smiled, the first time he'd seen her like that up close. The corners of her mouth were just barely raised, the rosy lips forming an almost imperceptible curve, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"It's cute when you do that."

"Huh?" Kurokawa wasn't sure she heard him right, so she just went on smiling.

Without a verbal response, Lancer swept her up in his arms once again.

"I-I can walk," she said, only protesting because of that strange tug she felt in her chest every time he so much as touched her.

"You don't like it?" he asked, holding her away from him so he could view her face in full.

"No, that's not it! I just don't want to be a bother."

"Like I said, I don't tire easily. You do, though. Shall we call it a night? I know it's not home, I don't have one either, but we've got someone waiting on us back there."

"Mm."

Kurokawa agreed even when her heart did not. She had no desire to return to that place where she'd been confined to her own personal hell. A burning desire to strangle Kirei Kotomine rose up in her, but she forced it down upon remembering his promise: "Should I attain the Grail, I will use my wish to reverse the damage from ten years ago. You'll have everything back which you were denied."

"Funny how you zone out like that," said Lancer, looking straight ahead.

"I have a lot on my mind, that's all," she said, which was the truth, just not its entirety.

"You don't want to go back," he said, plucking the thought straight from her innermost sanctum of secrets. "You're not a Master, so what's in this for you?"

He seemed to have struck a nerve. She shivered violently, and he squeezed her just a bit. It gradually came upon him that Kotomine, being the great manipulator he was, might be blackmailing her. Maybe he had her family hostage. Maybe he killed them like he had killed Lancer's rightful Master.

Something in his instincts or his code of honor made him want to protect the girl. He didn't know who she was or what had happened to her; he couldn't change anything about the past. The same could be said for him too. They had only the future and two hands which could shape it.

It was a foolish decision, but he brought Kurokawa to a deserted park and sat with her on a bench. She was still shaking like a leaf, though more like one caught in a breeze than a storm. If Lancer had a jacket or something he would have loaned it to her. Armor and a full-body suit didn't help with that.

"Lancer," she said.

"Yeah."

"I think I misjudged you. You're not too bad a guy after all."

He grinned. "Good to hear it."

"Ooh, that's him," said a high-pitched voice, "the great Celtic hero, Cú Chulainn. Yes, the Lancer. He's even uglier close up. Let's destroy him quickly."

A very small, very young girl with snow-white hair and royal purple winter wear walked, almost gliding, through the accumulated mist, flanked by a silently-moving giant. The child regarded both of them with long-lashed red eyes.

Kurokawa rose with an intimidating slowness from her seat. "I think Lancer is very handsome."

There was a moment of silence. He suppressed his laughter. She had said it so matter-of-factly that the Master over there started to look convinced.

"Do you need anything else?" Kurokawa continued, the question more like, "do you want to keep slandering Lancer?"

The girl dipped into a polite curtsy. "My name is Illyasviel von Einzbern. This is Berserker. We're going to kill you now."

Kurokawa was about to take a step forward when Lancer stopped her.

"I got this. I need to let off steam after that last fight."

"Against Saber?" Illyasviel giggled. "If you couldn't win against her alone, we'll completely crush you."

"Lancer," Kurokawa pleaded.

"Worried about me?"

She frowned. "Of course."

"Naturally. He's your Servant," Illyasviel interjected.

"No, I am not his Master," said Kurokawa. "It's because he is my friend."

The little girl gave her a questioning look as Berserker advanced. Lancer drew Gáe Bolg and smiled to himself.

He would make sure to have fun this time.


	3. III - In Between Dreams and Reality

"Fine! I'll use all my strength!" she heard him say.

Kurokawa watched cautiously as Lancer dueled with Berserker, his spear against the giant's axe. He became fully absorbed in the heat of battle, growing more fervid every time their weapons struck each other, even when the enemy's weapon scoured flesh.

"That's it, good," he said, gripping his lacerated side. "More. More! Fight me seriously!"

He was about to charge again when he froze.

Kurokawa took a step toward him. "L-Lancer?"

"Shut up! Don't meddle!"

She winced at his harshness but did not apologize when she did nothing wrong. "What are you—?"

"You bastard!" he shouted at the sky, suddenly turning and snatching her up in his arms.

It all happened in a blur. The girl Master and her Berserker were left behind, and Kurokawa was suddenly with him in another secluded alleyway trying to digest what had happened.

He pounded a fist against the wall. "Damn him!"

"Lancer," she said.

"What?" he snapped, his gaze softening when he saw her flinch.

"You… you're bleeding."

She urged him to sit and remarked, "I guess you can't heal yourself."

"Well I'll be damned," he said as he dropped down, running a hand through his hair.

The soft touch of fingertips on his ribcage startled him.

"I'm sorry," said Kurokawa. "It might hurt a bit, but we should stop the bleeding first, I think."

"Be my guest," he said.

She took the skirt of her dress, wadded up a section and pressed it against his side.

"Was that Kotomine talking to you?"

Lancer nodded.

"He always says such upsetting things," she said, as if from experience.

It wasn't really that, but what Kotomine made him do. It was humiliating how he made it so Lancer wasn't even a serious combatant. A Servant's purpose was to fight to the greatest extent, not just sample the food and run. His body and soul craved nothing but battle, and that had been his sole reason for returning to this world. Now he didn't even have any real desire to go on in the War.

"Please don't forget to breathe," said Kurokawa. "Just relax, it's okay now."

Somehow her words soothed him, calming the rage that had begun eating up his insides. He only tensed when a sharp pain struck where she touched, though it receded faster than it had arrived.

"Ah... look..."

Lancer stared down at where the cut should have been. Its former site looked like when she'd healed herself, all bloodied but with the wound itself gone. He looked at her, about to ask questions when she smiled at him again, wiping her forehead with the back of one hand.

"You're getting blood on yourself." He reached out and rubbed at the dark red smears with his thumb.

"I'm just glad you're alright. I don't even know what happened..."

"But you did this," he said. "You healed me."

"I... I suppose so."

No wonder Kotomine had her follow him; he was putting the girl on a trial run.

"Does _he_ know," asked Lancer, "that you can do such a thing?"

"Not sure."

She was clueless, and Lancer didn't like it. He formulated his next question carefully, but it came out blunt.

"What's up with you and Kotomine?"

Kurokawa's face blanched. She could have said a lot of things. She was his prisoner and his project, something to be used, a means of reaching an end. In the big scheme of things, in this Holy Grail War, she was just a piece on the chessboard and she knew it too.

"It's for a good cause," she said, not realizing it had slipped out until Lancer gave her a strange look. "I mean, it's complicated. Never mind."

The girl slouched against the wall, eyelids drooping. He only had one last thing to mention.

"You said I'm your friend."

Kurokawa nodded without making eye contact. "I don't know if you feel the same, though."

"I don't know what to think about you," Lancer said, standing up.

She curiously searched his face. "In a good way or a bad way?"

He bent down and took her in his arms. "Not bad."

"I missed this." The girl's arms circled his neck, and she let out a shuddering breath. "For ten years…"

Lancer didn't understand what she meant by that, ten years. Her hold loosened as she drifted off, finally falling away altogether. He brushed a lock of black hair from her face, careful not to upset her sleep by doing so. It had only been one night, but he knew so much about her and yet so little. He returned to Kotomine Church hoping for answers, but what he got was hell.

"Will you disobey the orders of your Master? Will you betray me?" hissed Kotomine, rounding on Lancer, who still had Kurokawa in his arms. "You blew it all, starting with your battle against Saber. You need only worry about your survival, not victory."

"This is sickening," Lancer said under his breath. "You're wasting everything I am."

"Yes, and you're wasting the girl," replied the priest. "Stick her back in the basement. I don't want you taking her out where she'll be in harm's way."

"You said… _back_ in the basement?"

Kotomine smirked. "Do I need to clarify?"

"No," he snarled, leaving the nave of the church by means of a hidden staircase. There were a number of chambers underground, all of which were hermetically sealed save for one. The inside was dark and dank, with nothing to furnish its austere stone space.

"Back in the basement," Lancer repeated as he sat with Kurokawa's head in his lap. Since it sounded she'd been forced to spent the night here before, he didn't want to leave her alone. As the priest had nothing to say about it, he would remain there until she woke up.

Kurokawa dreamt of that time again, just as she had done on countless occassions over the past ten years which went by so slow and so quickly. That was the day she died. Everything looked like a sea of flames. People ran madly through the streets with their bodies on fire, their dying screams bone-chilling, unforgettable. She wanted to help them but didn't know how. Their faces didn't even register as human in her head.

There had been only one person she clearly recalled, a young boy with a memorable hair color, though she couldn't remember the exact shade. He was walking too, aimlessly, eyes blighted by death. She stopped as he passed by. He hadn't seen her.

"Come back… Please, come back!"

She shot up, arms reaching out for the boy, before cracking her forehead against something hard. And then she heard Lancer groan.

"Wha—?! S-sorry…! I didn't… You?"

"Morning," he said groggily.

"It's still dark, though. Are you sure…?"

Slowly, so slowly, she recognized it. It was the same, the same it had been for the past ten years of her life; the cage, the pit, the tomb. Despite the fact that those years didn't quite feel as long as they truly were, she was scarred and scared out of her mind. She had grown fearful of this darkness with no lights and no sound, neither natural nor artificial. She didn't want to be shut away again. It felt like it was being repeated, only Lancer was there by her side.

"L-Lancer…" Kurokawa fumbled for something of his to hold onto, taking his hand. "Please, help me. Get me out of here. Please!"

The tears started flowing before she could stop them, manifesting along with terrible, convulsive sobs. Even when she wanted to speak, her breath granted her no time to get the words out.

Lancer knew she'd been stuck in this room before from what Kotomine said, but never did he expect to see her break down like this. Without a second thought, he helped her upstairs, the question of disobeying his orders long forgotten.

Kurokawa calmed when they reached ground level. Even while straining against the brightness, she reached for the shafts of light streaming in through the church windows. She turned suddenly and hugged him tightly, the top of her head only reaching up to his chest.

"Lancer, thank you," she cried happily. "It's the sun! I actually see the sun."

He ruffled her hair, not knowing how to feel. "Yeah, that's it. The sun."

The sound of Kotomine's footsteps on the creaky wooden floor made Lancer's entire body go rigid.

"So you're awake," he said, addressing the girl.

"K-Kotomine," she whimpered, hiding behind Lancer.

Lancer glared at the priest, who only glared back. Finally he asked the question which had burned in the back of his mind the whole night: "What exactly is going on here?"

"Little Kurokawa is merely afraid of the dark," he said simply, coming as close as he could before Lancer did not allow him to proceed. "Getting defensive, I see. Do not concern yourself in our affairs, Lancer. You have no place in them. Remember your objective."

"Objective my ass. What kind of crap are you pulling on her?"

"You're not in the position to make demands," said Kotomine, brushing some unseen dust from his right sleeve.

Lancer loathed him for having seized Bazett's Command Spells the way he did. He was powerless to resist much more at this point, and Kotomine saw it clearly.

"Go scout again, Lancer," said the priest. "You're useless here."

He was about to argue when Kurokawa stepped out from behind him.

"I'm going with Lancer."

"Who said you were?" asked Kotomine.

"Me, that's who," she said. "Or must I list reasons of why I'm deserving?"

"You've reestablished quite a spark in a single night," he said with the same old shit-eating grin that Lancer hated so much. "Impressive."

The Servant looked at Kurokawa, this girl who, though undoubtedly scared, put up a very, very brave front.

"Will you stop me?" she pressed.

Kotomine stopped and considered this. "…No, I won't."

"Very well then," said Kurokawa, turning from him. "Lancer, let's leave."

He started following her when Kotomine spoke. "Remember your salvation, Atosaki Kurokawa. It is slowly slipping through your fingers. Don't regret your decisions."

"Ato… saki." Lancer had never heard her full name before. He watched her trembling back.

"I only have a single regret," she said, "and it's definitely not about what I'm doing now."

The girl ran from there, throwing the church doors open and breaking into broad daylight. The sun's rays hit her shoulders as she flew down the sloping hill which led to the city. Her legs balked at every step, but she didn't care. They finally gave out and she fell forward and ended up rolling down the rest of the hill, finally coming to a stop at the bottom of the hill. She lay on her back, dazed.

The sky. How beautiful the sky was. It wasn't the blue of Lancer's hair, but a lighter blue, a softer one. She didn't have anything else to compare it to. Right on cue, Lancer's head entered her line of vision, not that she minded. His shoulder armor looked so shiny now.

"Lancer," she laughed. "I feel so free."

He crouched down beside her. "Ku… Kurokawa…"

"That's not right," she said quickly. "My first name was Atosaki. I remember now. My parents told me it can mean beginning and end, before and after… order, consequences. It's mine."

"It's a beautiful name," he remarked. "I'm glad you have it back."

She tried to smile, but faltered. "Hey, I know how you wanted to fight the other Servants, and I just thought of it. Kotomine didn't say anything about going back for rematches."

"Yes, it occurred to me," he said without much enthusiasm, helping Atosaki to her feet.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Lancer scuffed the dirt with his heel, deep in thought. "I'm just wondering… about when he mentioned 'salvation.'"

Atosaki started to walk without explaining. It didn't seem Lancer had a clue as to what occurred ten years ago, and she had no intention of bringing it up now.

Finally, she said, "Bad things, really bad things, have happened in this city, to everyone. Kotomine promises to make things right if he can wish on the Holy Grail."

Lancer's eyes narrowed. That didn't sound like the Kotomine he knew in the slightest. Surely he had lied through his teeth all this time. Before Lancer could tell Atosaki the truth, she continued.

"I don't like Kotomine because of his behavior, but I think he has his reasons. He needed to grow my powers so I could be part of the Grail War and help his Servant win. Perhaps that was the only way, twisted as it was."

The girl only believed what she wanted to. Lancer put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him.

"It wasn't fair to you, whatever he did," he said.

"It's alright," she replied. "If I have to suffer a little to save people, it's okay, right?"

That wasn't okay with him, first off because this didn't sound like "a little" suffering, secondly because Kotomine only told her what she would need and what would make her cooperate.

"Say, Lancer, we should go into town. I haven't seen it in… well…"

He knew she wanted to say ten years, even though he had yet to figure out what that truly meant, simply thinking it a metaphor. Then he envisioned this scene, an armored man in blue full-body tights and a girl with a blood-soaked dress strolling casually through the streets.

After a moment of hesitation, he offered, "Want me to grab us some clothing? Food, maybe?"

"I-if you can."

"Try to get away from this church, but don't go into the city just yet."

"Okay. I'll be waiting for you."

He had already taken on his invisible spirit form when she spoke again to him.

"Thank you, Lancer," she said, "for being on my side when no one else is."

Despite him departing sometime in the afternoon, the sun had sunk low on the horizon when Lancer finally returned. He looked tired, and with the simple white V-neck top and black pants he wore, he appeared even more vulnerable. Atosaki quietly thanked him for managing to get her what he did. She hid behind the trunk of a large tree and pulled on the cozy red and black plaid dress set, appreciative of how nice it looked with a gray turtleneck as innerwear and the pink scarf that went wiith it. All she'd worn for ten years in that basement were rags. At least, she recalled having rags.

For a moment after she finished they sat around idly. Atosaki kept looking over at Lancer, playing with the wool of the scarf while thinking of something to fill the silence.

"I… I feel naked," he said, forcing a grin as he rummaged through a plastic shopping bag.

"Oh, like what you usually wear doesn't make you feel that way."

She laughed, although she sensed his unease.

"You know, if something's bothering you, you can tell me."

"The War's just playing out, that's all," he said.

"…Do you want to wish on the Grail?" asked Atosaki.

"Me? Nah, I don't ask for much. Maybe a good, valiant fight to the death here and there, something along those lines. It's simple."

"And Kotomine is stopping you."

Lancer noticed the girl's expression. Her brow was furrowed, eyes sorrowful, like her heart ached for him, just for him. He wanted to be comforted by her sympathy, but he couldn't stand to hurt her more than he had to.

"He's a terrible Master," she said. "He didn't deserve to summon you."

But Kotomine wasn't really the one. Lancer's thoughts rarely returned to Bazett Fraga McRemitz, the woman who would have been his Master had Kotomine not severed her left arm, and with it her Command Seals, before he left her for dead. As much as he wanted to avenge her, his willpower simply wasn't strong enough to defy Kotomine's.

"You and I would've made a good team," Lancer commented, looking at the pastel sunset. "I could get my share of battles and I'd win them all for you so you could make that wish for yourself. But it's idealistic to hope for nice things to happen."

It was a cynical notion, tragic but true. Such was life. He turned back to Atosaki and found her biting back tears.

"Damn, me and my big mouth…"

"N-no," she said, eyes watering. "Even though a lot of things aren't the way they should be right now, I'm so glad to have met you!"

He blinked once, then twice, and then smiled. "Same here."

Atosaki sniffled and then felt something firm but soft against her lips.

"Eat this," Lancer said, offering her a small piece of pastry.

She let him feed her the first bite. He took a little more from the round white bun and again she ate from his hand.

Together, side-by-side beneath a large oak tree, they watched as stars began to dot the darkling sky.

"Red bean," she noted after Lancer gave her another morsel.

It had been her mother's favorite, trumping even meat or custard. She looked at the bun in his hand and tore out a bit of it herself.

"I'll stop," he started to say when Atosaki held it out to him.

"Nope, don't," she said, grinning.

His cheeks looked slightly rosy, even in the dim starlight. He gladly accepted it.

"I haven't eaten in forever," said Atosaki. "I'd almost forgotten what it was like."

Lancer popped another bit of red bean bun into her mouth and suddenly brushed her cheek.

"You have a lot of sadness."

"I-I'm sorry. I'm just bringing you down, huh."

"You don't ever need to apologize. Tell me whatever you want and I'll listen."

Atosaki nodded, his words warming her to the core.

"You are very kind, Lancer. I wish I could express how much it means to me."

"Thanks, but I'm not really that good a person," he said. "I did bad things, I made bad choices. Looking back, I can't change any of it, so I don't find any sense in regretting the way I lived."

She was sure he was talking about his past life, before becoming a Heroic Spirit. Having spoken about regrets at the church, she took what he said to heart.

"And you're wise," she added. "Kotomine tried teaching me stuff in order to compensate for my lack of education, but I feel rather stupid at times."

"We've all got insight," said Lancer. "It builds on itself. We learn from experience. You're learning as we speak, so don't worry."

She reached out and wiped a crumb from the corner of his mouth. The look he gave her held a mixture of surprise and tenderness.

"I never thought this would happen in a Grail War," he said, "that I'd meet a sweet girl like you."

Atosaki smiled. "It's not quite what you wanted though."

"Ah well, it's not to say I don't enjoy it."

The girl rested her head on his shoulder. "Is it bad if I hope that this won't end so soon? What will I do when you… if you…"

"Shh, it's not important now. Let's live in the here and now."

"I'll try." She nuzzled up against him, and he positioned his chin lightly on her head. "I know it's about the past, but can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Please don't kill people. I mean, innocents and nice Masters like Mr. Kuzuki. Please, for me. They don't have to die and they'll never have a second chance like Servants if they do. So please?"

"...I understand. I promise."

His words came out honestly.

"Thank you, Lancer. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Atosaki. Sleep well."

"See you in the morning?"

"Of course."

* * *

><p>Aaaaand the fluff is going to kill me. Look at it, just look at it. If you want, please reviewfave/follow... I'd love to know hear from you! Thanks for reading.


	4. IV - Once Again, Too Soon

Kirei Kotomine was amused. He did not trust Lancer in the slightest, never did, and interestingly enough his Servant's allegiance seemed to shift now toward the Black River girl. Perhaps it had not been prudent to pair him with her. She may have served the other one well, although judging from their clashing personalities he would probably ruin her by the War's end.

"So you have the determination to continue fighting," he observed, addressing but not looking at the incensed boy behind him. "You're in luck. There happens to be a Servant without a Master right now."

He turned. He smiled.

Atosaki sneezed and shivered for the first time during her sunny stroll alongside Lancer around Fuyuki City.

"Cold?" he asked.

"Just a little chilly, that's all. Please don't worry."

Lancer exhaled deeply, swinging an arm around her shoulders. His tight muscles rippled as he pulled her closer.

"W-what…?"

"We blend in better this way," he told her.

She tried to hold in her laughter. "You stick out like a sore thumb."

"Hah, can't help that."

"So what are we going to do now?"

"Don't know. Maybe wait 'til all the other Servants kill each other off?"

Of course he was joking, and Atosaki knew it. Lancer disdained cowardly, underhanded tactics, preferring to seek out a worthy opponent and fight a good fight.

Neither of them knew what had happened so far. Almost all the Servants could be dead, or perhaps none at all. They spent their time exploring the city, Atosaki amazed by its flourishing state. Things seemed fairly normal. Of course, there were those places where the scars could not be erased. Even so, only ten relatively short years had passed, and only time would tell how much more Fuyuki needed to heal.

"…Lancer, how old are you?"

"Really ancient."

She laughed. Maybe she should have phrased that differently. "Thank goodness you don't look it."

They stopped at the docks, breathing in the fresh, slightly salty air.

"I'd gladly spend all day at a place like this. Me and a fishing rod and some good company. How's that sound?"

"Perfectly wonderful," Atosaki said with a smile. She cast out an invisible float and reeled it back in.

Lancer gave a cheery laugh. "Not bad at all."

"I'm probably rusty, but I used to go fishing a lot with my… my, um, dad…"

She put her hands down and stared out at the ocean, missing him and her mother badly.

"It never changes," she said after a while.

"That's the thing about nature," Lancer said. "Centuries can go by and society will change. The people, the rulers, weapons and all that. But I have to trust that this sky and these waters and those forests remain the same. I hope you'll continue protecting this planet for years to come."

Her eyes teared up when she thought about it, about how none of it was different, like the sea and the sky had been the only ones who waited for her. He was addressing humanity as a whole in his last sentence, being unable to do it himself even if he wanted to. She wondered if, in his absence from this world, he missed it too.

They stayed on the waterfront for the rest of the day, going in and out of shops without any money to buy anything. Their banter was mostly meaningless but greatly interested Atosaki. She learned more about the magic and mechanics of the War, like Noble Phantasms and Command Spells. Had this been before ten years prior, she would've denied everything. Now she took it with a grain of salt.

Darkness came swiftly again. She missed daytime the most; she'd grown too accustomed to the pitch-black of the basement and the pitch-black of sleep. Atosaki kept going in the direction of the sunset, chasing it. She spun around, walking backward so she could face Lancer as she went along.

"Do you think we should go back to the church any time soon?"

"I'd rather not," he said. "I've never been on good terms with that priest anyway."

"You seem to have a… a grudge."

"Yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't want to work for him. He's got Command Spells all over me and my power is limited by that."

Atosaki took him by the wrists. "Don't worry. I think you are still very strong."

Lancer looked upon her fondly. He noticed, though Atosaki didn't, that other couples stared at them in passing. Something about her was just so endearing that he and others couldn't help but gravitate toward it. When he was with her, he felt the War grow distant. He started wanting to spend time with her as much as he wanted to fight other Servants, and to him that was saying something.

She slid her hold to his hands, swinging them back and forth with a gentle motion. He only watched her, confused by what he felt. He swore to protect her because she was innocent and defenseless, yet another part of him took that oath because of another, as of yet undisclosed reason. Even he didn't quite know why.

"Lancer," Atosaki said, "what's with you, staring and smiling like that?"

Whenever she said the title given to him in this War, though it was not his true name, he smiled a bit wider. She giggled and let go of him, skipping ahead. He went to follow her and then stopped in his tracks, feeling something off, like an oncoming sickness that under normal circumstances should never have stricken him.

Atosaki slowly realized she had lost Lancer a few paces behind her. He stood there stiffly, face blank. A cool breeze ruffled his hair.

"Lancer, you okay?"

"Just feeling tired," he said lightly, lightly enough to conceal a heavy lie. "I think these days of peace are making me go a bit soft."

"If you're tired we should go to... um, I don't really know where we can stay tonight," she said, trying to hide her own fatigue. He noticed anyway.

Lancer walked toward her and then turned around before crouching down.

"Get on."

She didn't want to be more weight on his shoulders. In this case, she meant it literally. "Lancer, you don't have to."

"I'll find us somewhere safe. You should rest."

"Lancer…"

"Do you want me to sling you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes instead?"

She reluctantly crawled onto his back, and with that he hooked his arms behind her knees and stood. They went in silence along the seashore. The subtle bob at every step he took, coupled with the lapping of waves on sand and rocks, eventually lulled her into a dreamless sleep.

When Atosaki awoke, it was due to the slight discomfort of being squished between Lancer's body and cold asphalt. A layer of frost covered him from head to toe, and yet she'd been kept safe and warm by his heat and arms. Since he was a resilient Servant, she assumed he wouldn't suffer from it later. She wondered if they had been like that, sandwiched between two opposing walls of an alleyway all night. He seemed to frequent such places, Atosaki thought, as she pillowed her head on her hands and drifted back asleep, silently thanking Lancer for everything.

She was roused again by a string of long, guttural roars. It had to be a nightmare, like a terribly warped version of that night ten years ago, their screams a single, horrible monster. Unfortunately, Lancer was there before her in his usual blue battle outfit, pacing back and forth with a sea of tree branches and leaves above him. Reality kicked her hard.

"L-Lancer, what was that?"

"You don't really want to know."

She paused, observing the surrounding forest, but did not ask any more questions.

Lancer preferred it that way. In truth, Kotomine had contacted him again, this time to inform him of a drastic change in plans. There had been an attempt on his life yesterday, so Kotomine faked his own death and now wanted Lancer to cooperate with the red-haired boy he tried to kill and the Master of the first Servant he fought. Apparently she lost her Archer to Caster, who had also seized control of Saber using a Noble Phantasm. Kotomine wanted to see their powerful alliance taken apart.

"Come on," he said, lifting her as the battle within the Einzbern Castle settled down. He explained on the way, only leaving out the part about Kotomine pretending to be dead and warning not to mention his name under any circumstances, even if they went back to the church. Atosaki was reluctant to agree. He knew that she disliked him having to take orders again.

They watched from afar behind a conical spire on the roof. Atosaki remained quiet when a teenage Master frantically fled the castle, but almost gasped when she spotted two young people, a male and a female, bearing a small body wrapped in white cloth. Blood stained the material where it touched the chest area. She covered her mouth, teary-eyed, as a modest grave was erected in honor of the deceased.

"We should deal with Caster first," said the boy after paying his respects. "She's amassing power even as we speak."

"You're right," Lancer replied loudly, putting an arm around Atosaki's waist as he slid down toward a small ledge. "There's no way you could accomplish that."

He jumped, flipped once and spun through the air before landing on the ground. He immediately regretted showing off the way; Atosaki looked like she was going to be sick.

The two Masters were up in arms.

"Lancer!"

"Wait," he said, raising his free hand. "I have no intention of fighting."

"What?" they asked in unison.

"I'm going to help you guys for a while," he said with a capricious wink.

"Help us?" asked the female Master wearing red. "Is that the idea of your Master there?"

"It's not her, but these are my Master's orders. He said he'd like your help due to Caster's growing strength." Lancer let go of Atosaki and made a placating gesture. "Well, something like an alliance that lasts until we defeat them."

The girl was the first to relax. She looked from Lancer to Atosaki and back to Lancer.

"I agree. Well, Emiya?"

Atosaki recognized the boy as the one Lancer had tried to kill. Somehow, there was something oddly familiar about him, like she'd seen him even before their first encounter.

"Do you really think I'd trust you straight off?" he asked Lancer.

"I do," he said, "because you've got a wonderful partner, and even she has agreed to it. You're also a curious and good-natured guy, aren't you?"

Emiya's eyes rounded. Lancer had him in checkmate.

"Lancer," Atosaki said, pouting. He was being so different from what she was used to, harsher, more conniving.

"What?" he asked.

"Who is she, anyway?" the red-clad Master finally asked.

When Lancer hesitated, Atosaki answered for him.

"I am merely Lancer's aide."

His brow puckered when she said that. She sighed and then shot him a sideways smile.

"I'm his friend."

"Your first statement makes more sense," said Emiya. "He'd go around stabbing anyone who's not a participant in the War."

"Don't vilify me, kid," said Lancer, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "I was just following the rules."

"I… want to apologize on Lancer's behalf," she said, bowing deeply. "It will never happen again. Right, Lancer?"

The girl looked at Lancer to reaffirm her trust in his promise. He inclined his head.

Pleased with that answer, she looked to the two Masters, who looked back with slight bewilderment. "My name is Atosaki, by the way."

"Shirou Emiya," the boy returned, seeming more comfortable with her than with Lancer.

"And you?" Atosaki asked the other Master kindly.

"Rin. Rin Tohsaka," she said. "Are you a magus?"

Atosaki's smile faded slightly. "Well, yes."

"But you are not his Master," said Rin.

"Correct," Atosaki said slowly.

"What can you do?" she continued on.

"Is this an interrogation?" Lancer asked.

She leered at him. "I want to know what kind of allies we're talking about here."

"That's fine, Lancer," Atosaki said to him, looking back at Rin. "I'm a healer."

Rin appeared dubious. "That's not something magi are usually capable of doing on their own."

"Want me to have her demonstrate?" Lancer pointed a finger at Shirou.

Atosaki elbowed him in the ribcage, trying to look as serious as possible while doing so.

"Wait, does he mean you can heal others?" she asked, incredulous.

"I-I'm not too good at doing that, I don't think," Atosaki confessed.

"Well, if you've got it, flaunt it," said Rin. "I just hope you won't be more trouble than you're worth."

"I'll try not to get in the way, then," Atosaki said politely

Shirou nodded as well, still wary of Lancer. Atosaki could honestly sympathize.

"Lancer's not so bad once you get to know him," she said to Shirou as they walked through the sprawling forest maze.

"Tell that to my heart," he replied, glancing at Rin.

Lancer was going to say something, but Atosaki gave him a doe-eyed look that said, "be nice."

Rin watched Atosaki carefully. "Just what kind of relationship do you have with Lancer?"

He nearly laughed when her back went ramrod straight, cheeks turning an almost fluorescent pink. Being discreet apparently wasn't her forte. Then again, it probably wasn't his either.

Lancer put an arm around her. "She's a very special person to me."

Atosaki's heart nearly skipped a beat when she heard him say that.

"I see," said Rin, turning away. Atosaki felt an achy sadness coming from her, probably over having been betrayed by her Servant.

The path leading to Kotomine Church was hazy and much more ominous than Atosaki had ever seen it before. She started shaking again when she saw the steeple rising up ahead.

"It's okay," Lancer whispered to her.

"What's wrong?" Shirou asked.

"J-just some past trauma," she said, not forging a total lie.

The boy's golden-hazel eyes lingered on Lancer's hand around hers.

"You're not going inside."

Atosaki raised a finger to protest, but Lancer was right to say that. With her slow and uncertain healing abilities and no defensive magic, she'd only be a target. He reasoned that she could patch everyone up after the battle was over. Rin and Shirou thought it was a good idea, and Atosaki did not argue.

A figure emerged from the fog as their party neared the church doors. It was a tall man with bronze skin and pure white hair. She figured he was the Archer-Servant Lancer had mentioned. For some reason, Atosaki felt like she'd seen him before, like the impression she got from Shirou.

"I knew you'd come for sure," said the red-clothed man to Rin in particular.

Lancer swung his spear out defensively in front of the two Masters and Atosaki.

"Yo. I'll be your opponent," he said, expertly twirling Gáe Bolg with both hands.

"So you've found Lancer's little Master," said Archer, sticking his chin out at Atosaki.

She didn't bother to correct him, only waiting for Lancer's words.

"Get back, far back," Lancer instructed her. And to Rin and Shirou: "Go."

They broke formation as he rushed at Archer, Rin and Shirou successfully getting around him as he drew a pair of twin swords, one black and one white.

"It's hard to believe," said Lancer as he used his spear to jab and parry, thrust and guard. "Are you really an Archer-class Servant?"

Atosaki watched from afar at the bottom of the hill as their forms blurred into color smears whilst they fought. She could still hear Lancer talking.

"Your skills are impressive. However… Your swords themselves clearly lack pride."

"Unfortunately," said Archer, blocking Lancer's spear with both weapons, "I have no pride either."

He repelled Lancer with enough force to push him toward the church. And then he spoke in a language that Atosaki recognized as English.

"I am the bone of my sword…"

Lancer dashed at Archer and leapt up above him, his spear ready to fly. "Gáe Bolg!"

"Rho Aias!"

A seven-layered force field of bright red energy, appearance similar to an iridescent flower, bloomed around Archer's raised right hand. There was a burst of light, and both the shield and Gáe Bolg were blown away. Archer lowered his hand, and Atosaki thought it may have sustained damage.

"I'm surprised," he said. "I had no idea a spear capable of piercing the Aias existed."

"Yes, a spear capable of piercing your 'ass' exists!" Atosaki cheered under her breath, only realizing how wrong it sounded a second later.

"Who the hell are you?" Lancer demanded to know.

"I'm just an Archer," he replied.

"Ridiculous!" said Lancer, brandishing Gáe Bolg. "As if an Archer would possess a shield capable of blocking Noble Phantasms."

"That aside," said Archer, "have you noticed? It seems like that Caster woman is fighting a tough battle of her own.

Atosaki couldn't believe what he did next: he put his hands up in surrender.

"So that's what you intended in the first place?" Lancer sneered.

Archer backed up slowly in admitted defeat before disappearing within the church.

"Lancer!"

Atosaki ran to him, concerned.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Should we follow him?"

"No."

"But I want to help."

"Just… stay here. Wait for them to come out."

He looked somehow pained.

"Are you sure you aren't hurt?"

"Yeah."

Lancer plopped himself down on the ground and let Gáe Bolg disappear. She sat with her legs tucked under her, fiddling with the hem of her dress. The church was rocked on its foundation by the battle within, and then all went dead silent. When Atosaki rose, Lancer grabbed her hand and shook his head. She sat back down.

"You're not telling me something."

"…"

Atosaki pressed on. "Is something bad happening in there?"

"Yes."

"Is it Kotomine?"

"He's away."

"If it's the fight, I'm a healer. I want to help if I can."

"They're probably already dead," he said, realizing a moment too late what he let slip out.

Atosaki had taken off into the church before Lancer could stop her.

There were voices coming from the downstairs altar room, and so she crept to the first landing in time to see Archer disappear with an unconscious Rin tucked under his arm. Numerous swords protruded from the cracked stone flooring. It looked something of a medieval battlefield. Shirou and his Servant, Saber, stood amongst the wreckage, battered but breathing.

An unnaturally cold stone dropped in Atosaki's heart when she saw someone lying on the ground, surrounded by blades, one largely oversized weapon having gone cleanly through his back. Then it hit her, hard. That same suit and the same hair. It couldn't have been him. She ran down the steps, her flight followed by Shirou and Saber's gazes.

"N-no…" she collapsed at the man's side. When she could not bring herself to remove the instrument of murder from his body, she turned the head alone.

"Mr. Kuzuki…?"

It was undeniably him. He had the same severe, slightly gaunt face, now drenched in life fluid, with those distant, sorrowful eyes which stared at her lifelessly. Atosaki slid her fingertips over the lids and closed them. She realized his glasses were missing before spotting them a few feet from their owner's body. The lenses were cracked, but she fitted them on him anyway.

"What will happen to that person you love, Mr. Kuzuki? I actually thought about you two sometimes. Is she going to be all alone now? Or… was it your Servant? Even if it was inevitable, I hoped… I hoped that perhaps there could be some happiness in the parting."

Tears clouded her vision.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kuzuki, that I came too late. I might have been able to save you. Who's going to fill your position at school? Everyone's going to miss you, I know it."

"Atosaki."

It was Lancer's voice. Saber, despite her injuries, nearly lunged at him when he came down the stairs.

"You…!"

"Wait," said Shirou. "He helped us out."

Atosaki lifted her head as Lancer approached.

"This is a war, Atosaki. It's hard to protect anyone from the truth, that people have to die whether they are good or evil, have dreams or not."

"Ko—I was told that Masters didn't have to die for the Grail to appear."

"Sometimes Servants like that Archer just don't care what happens to them."

"It's not fair." Atosaki gingerly combed Kuzuki's blood-matted hair. "He'd found that ray of light in the dark, just like me."

"Life's not fair," he said shortly.

"Then how… how would you feel if this had happened to me instead?!"

Lancer said nothing, but looked hurt. Shirou and Saber were left speechless.

Finally he stooped down and picked her up from behind.

"W-wait!"

"You can't do anything more for him."

Lancer was right; Atosaki couldn't form a sound argument no matter how hard she tried. She let her tears fall and hoped that her prayers reached wherever Kuzuki had gone.

There had to be a point in all this. Those ten years spent honing her power were surely not for nothing, surely it could save lives by now. But what was the use of even having these abilities when she showed up too late to do anything with them?

"…Hey. Where's that Rin girl?" Lancer asked.

"Archer took her with him," answered Shirou.

"What?"

"That's what I saw," Atosaki murmured.

She'd also seen the first death since that day ten years ago, and it was not good. Unhealed scars were being ripped open. Grief surged like a flood, rearing its head as it plowed through her. She felt the same powerlessness she felt back then.

Death was a part of life, but all Atosaki had witnessed was the systematic and wanton destruction of life. That dark history repeated itself again and again. Atosaki couldn't escape the cycle.

Truly, it was enough to make one go mad.


	5. V - Downtime

"Shirou, I do not like having him here."

He looked at Saber, who wore a pensive frown on her face. As much as she disliked it, Shirou didn't have the heart to turn down Lancer when he asked for lodging, especially after what happened with Atosaki. Saber almost started up again when the shoji screen doors slid open.

"Is she okay?" Shirou asked as Lancer entered the dining room and sat across from him at the low table.

"Yeah," he replied. "Thanks for giving her the room. She says it'll be the best sleep she's had in…"

Lancer trailed off. Shirou honestly wondered if this was the same guy he faced before. The memory of being chased and stabbed by him still felt fresh. No wonder Saber had her deep suspicions. He just seemed so much gentler around Atosaki, like a completely different person.

"Hey, kid," said Lancer's voice, snapping Shirou from contemplation. "Do the words 'ten years' mean anything to you?"

A knot twisted in his stomach. "Y-yeah. There was a huge fire in Fuyuki ten years ago… It destroyed pretty much everything."

Saber looked at him, concerned. Lancer noticed his discomfort as well.

"…She brings it up from time to time, you know," he told Shirou. "Like something happened to her, but I don't know what."

Shirou swallowed down a lump of fear. "I know it was bad. I… actually lost everything back then. If it weren't for my foster father, I don't know where I'd be…"

"That's rough, kid. I—"

It suddenly made sense. Lancer saw the pieces fall into place. Atosaki said she didn't have a home and didn't seem to have a family. Kotomine had her put "back" into the basement. She was so happy when she saw the sun. But it couldn't be, not for ten years. He stood, wanting to debunk it himself.

"Thanks for clearing things up. Sounds like things have been hard, but I'm glad you're making a life for yourself."

Lancer walked to the door.

"Something wrong?" Shirou asked.

"I get the feeling there is," he replied, sliding the screen closed behind him.

Atosaki heard faint voices from down the hall where she sat in the bedroom Shirou had earlier shown her. She lay back down on the futon and pulled on the blankets. It felt so comfortable, so cozy, and she wondered, would it have killed Kotomine to give her something soft to sleep on? The more she thought about it, the crueler he seemed.

There came a soft tapping on the shoji screen frame, followed by a whisper.

"Atosaki."

"Lancer?"

She propped herself up with one arm as a familiar blue-haired spearman stole in, his battle armor still worn.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

He knelt down in front of her, completely serious.

"Can we talk?"

The corners of Atosaki's mouth fell slightly, freezing half-way down.

"O-okay. What about?"

"…The basement."

That was the last thing she expected to hear.

"Um, yeah. About that…"

"First thing I want to ask," he said. "Why did Kotomine have you in there?"

Atosaki rolled over onto her side, facing away from Lancer.

"I'm a healer. My powers keep me alive no matter what. So, to strengthen them…"

"He kept you in the worst conditions possible."

"…"

"Next question. For how long?"

"It doesn't really matter. It—"

"Tell me, how long?"

She curled up into a tight ball and found no use in lying.

"Ten… ten years. I was in that basement for ten years."

The truth turned solid with those words. That was reality. Ten years had flown by, wasted, spent alone, and time never waited for her. She was a nine-year-old trapped in a body that didn't fit. It hurt to think about the life she lost and the life she missed. It killed her to know those years were irretrievable.

"H-how…? That's not possible. You shouldn't be…"

He sounded both outraged and horrified. Atosaki couldn't bear to turn around and look at him.

"It didn't feel that long," she said. "I slept almost the whole time."

For the first few months she had been forced to endure every minute of it. It was dark and it was cold and she was hungry and she wanted to die and go to Heaven but she couldn't. Not that there was any point in recalling this. The damage was already done and trying to prove otherwise was like trying to un-ring a bell. Something in her had hoped that the truth would finally arise so that she could come to terms with it. Now she just felt miserable.

"Ten years," Atosaki said, tasting each syllable. "I still don't know how it went by like that. Felt like it could've been a year, felt like it could've been a million. I… might as well have been dead. I was dead to the world anyway. No one came to rescue me. And I was so alone."

In her insecurity, she began to think Lancer would walk away. It was an unfounded fear with no supporting evidence; it was that she wanted him to leave because of the shame welling up from deep inside.

"I'm sorry, Lancer," she said, yanking the sheets over her head. "I must sound pathetic. You should just go. I…"

"What did I say about apologizing?" His hand found her shoulder. "May I… May I please stay with you?"

When she finally nodded, Lancer pulled the bedding away from her body. Atosaki shivered as the trapped heat dissipated. And then she felt him lie down next to her before covering both of them up.

She didn't dare turn over, knowing he would be right there, so close.

"L-Lancer..."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered, "I'm going to kill Kirei Kotomine for you."

"You'll disappear if you do that," she said flatly. "And then his wish…"

"I… don't think he has any good intentions. He's nothing but a sick bastard. Someone like him would never…"

Atosaki studied the wall and how the moon threw a small patch of light through the window to illuminate it, considering Kotomine's terribly generous offer. She always had her doubts, but he'd given her something to fight for in life. But even if he never planned to help her from the start, it was through him that she found a new reason to live.

"It's okay," she said. "You've done so much for me, and that's all I need."

"I feel like I failed you."

"Why? You shouldn't."

"I never knew..."

Atosaki shifted a bit, though not uncomfortably. "You only knew me for me, not my past. That's all I really wanted."

"I wish I could make it so you're never alone again."

"...I think I need to get used to it."

"Don't say that," he said firmly.

"When you're gone, what will I do?"

Lancer buried his face in the soft cascade of her hair.

"You have to go on. You have to live."

"What if I'm not strong enough?" she asked.

"You will be," he replied, "I know you will."

Atosaki rolled to the other side, finding her nose inches away from Lancer's. He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead before nestling against her.

"Lancer?"

She felt him nod.

"Can you… not leave?"

Another nod.

"Thank you, Lancer. Thank you for being here."

She put her arms around his torso. He was like a human space heater.

"...You make me feel whole again."

Corny as it sounded in her ears, she meant what she said.

"I feel like when I'm with you, things are going to be alright. I don't want you to leave, ever."

Lancer hugged her tighter.

"Will you remember me?" she asked. "When you return to the... what was it, the Throne of Heroes?"

"I'd give anything so I could," he answered.

Atosaki's dark brown eyes met the crimson of his. They held so much warmth.

"I really wish I could be a Master," she said. "I'd have Command Seals and we could win this War together."

"I don't even care about the War anymore," he said, pulling her in closer. "I… just want to be here for you."

"It's amazing," she said, "how kind you are."

"You deserve kindness," he replied.

"…I really miss my mom and dad. They would've liked you. Although my dad always said he'd have a baseball bat ready for those unwanted suitors."

"I don't know… Would they really like the guy with the blue mullet and pierced ears?" He chuckled before turning serious. "Kotomine won't bring them back for you. He—"

"Even if he doesn't, I have no regrets. It's weird admitting it, but if it weren't for him, I never would have met you. That was one of the best things that ever happened to me. You're my ray of light in the darkness. I… wanted to tell Mr. Kuzuki that…"

Lanced rubbed Atosaki's back in a circular motion. "I'm sorry you had to see what you did back there."

"I guess I'm getting used to losing people…"

He shushed her at those words.

"Here and now, I'm with you."

"Don't let me go," she whispered, cheek pressed against his chest, listening to the steady heartbeat.

"I won't," he said. "Not until you're ready to wake up from this nightmare."

"But when I do wake up, you won't be there."

"Then sleep now," Lancer said, stroking her hair. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

Atosaki looked up at him. "I hope Rin's alright."

"Me too."

"…Hey, Lancer."

"Yeah."

"What if Shirou or Saber walk in?"

He laughed out loud. "I'll tell them we exchanged mana."

"W-what…?"

"Nothing. I can go when you fall asleep."

"Okay," she said, allowing herself to be wrapped in his strong arms. "Goodnight, Lancer. I love… I love being with you."

"Goodnight. I love being with you too."

* * *

><p>; w ;<p> 


	6. VI - Please Don't Die

Well, the new UBW anime is being released on Saturday... I present chapter six to celebrate in advance. ABW was intended as a "fix fic" and a quick filler between my bigger works, namely autoRAIN and Prototypical, so nothing too serious here. The story goes on, and now for that one scene in UBW that gets me every time. *clings tightly onto feels*

* * *

><p>"You're late," said Archer's voice, reverberating throughout the Einzbern Castle's wartorn foyer.<p>

Atosaki's gaze traveled up to where the Servant in red stood atop a flight of marble stairs.

"What have you done to Tohsaka?" Shirou demanded.

"You were so late that I gave her to Shinji, who was here first," he replied.

Shirou advanced before being stopped by Lancer.

"Calm down. My order was to keep her alive to begin with."

"We'll find Rin," Atosaki reassured him.

Lancer took her in his arms and leapt up to a balustrade on the second level, leaving Shirou and Saber to deal with Archer. Rin was soon found whilst in a rather difficult position, tied to a fallen chair, being assaulted by a lecherous-looking youth in a tan school uniform.

"Rin!" Atosaki called as Lancer grabbed the boy by the collar and threw him forcefully against the wall of the dungeon-like room.

"You guys," she gasped.

"Don't move," Lancer said, kneeling down and beginning to undo the ropes that bound her.

"That's enough, Lancer."

Atosaki recognized that voice. The timbre alone created a shockwave that ran fear through every fiber of her being.

"What…?"

Kirei Kotomine stepped out from behind a stone pillar, a look of complacency plastered on his face.

"Kirei!" said Rin. "So you're still alive!"

"Still… alive?" Atosaki repeated faintly.

Lancer cut her off, glaring with pure vitriol at Kotomine. "And I thought it was my dear Master's principle to never publicly show himself."

She saw Rin's eyes widen in disbelief.

"You, too, have disobeyed my order," he said. "I believe I told you to deal with Archer."

"That guy will disappear if we leave him, anyway," Lancer replied, then looking at the boy cowering in the corner. "More importantly, you've got a minion over there?"

"That's a terrible way to put it," said Kotomine. "Shinji and I are cooperating. We are partners who have come together in order to obtain the Holy Grail."

"Someone like him… can't possibly share your wish," Atosaki said shakily.

"Times have changed and compromises had to be made," Kotomine said. "Unfortunately, I won't be granting you your salvation, Atosaki Kurokawa."

"Y-you phony priest!" shouted Rin.

Lancer looked at Atosaki and then at Kotomine. "What will you do with her, then? You were lying through your teeth the whole time, even after those ten damn years of torture."

"Oh, you learned about that?" He smirked. "She's a precious pawn, so I played with her a bit. It'd be no fun to have her retire so easily. But I believe I've done more than my part as her caretaker. Now, Lancer. Kill her."

Atosaki's eyes teared up slightly when Lancer held her close and faced his back to the priest.

"You'd have to use your last Command Spell to make me do that."

She knew that was what he'd say, but she worried that Kotomine wouldn't let such disobedience stand.

"Lancer, we need to go," said Atosaki, moving toward Rin.

"Then I order you," Kotomine said with a deadly softness. "Commit suicide, Lancer."

By the time Atosaki had turned to face him, he already had Gáe Bolg in his hands, spearhead aiming for the heart.

"Lanc—"

His blood splattered across her face. She didn't even have time to scream before he hit the floor.

"Lancer!" Rin cried.

Atosaki couldn't think straight enough to call his name.

"Koto… mi… ne," Lancer rasped, reaching out with a blood-soaked hand, "you bas… tard…!"

And then he went limp.

"N-no," whispered Atosaki, falling to her knees. "Lancer…"

It was happening, but she didn't believe it. He had died right before her very eyes, but it didn't register in her mind. She stared down at Lancer, seeking him, shaking; then she threw herself over his body and sobbed hysterically.

"Lancer! Lancer, don't go, please! Wake up!"

Kotomine went around her as if she were invisible.

"Rin," he said. "You can die, too."

"K… Kotomine!"

Atosaki tackled him from behind, pulling on whatever she could, slamming her fists into the back of his head.

"How dare you!" she cried as Kotomine struggled against her.

He seized her by the hair and hurled her to the ground with enough force that had she lacked healing abilities, her skull would have cracked open on impact. The sole of his shoe came down so hard on Atosaki's chest that the sternum shattered, though it immediately repaired itself, that didn't stop the drops of blood broken from their vessels spraying out of her mouth.

"Atosaki!" Rin struggled against her restraints, trying to do anything to help. She had no choice but to watch helplessly.

With no emotion at all, Kotomine stared at the broken girl. His voice was blank and straightforward. "How does it feel? To have everything you have ever known and loved stolen from you. Your parents, your childhood, even the man who protected you all along. It was an interesting tale. What a shame, it ends here."

He bent down and seized Atosaki by the shirtfront. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears saturated with salt and remorse flowing from the corners. It was a new regret, that of having never thanked Lancer enough for what he'd done. She should have told him how she really felt about him.

The sound of squelching blood filled her ears. She stared in shock at the crimson spear which had gone squarely through Kotomine's chest. He vomited bright red as Atosaki was released.

"Y-you…" Kotomine wheezed, looking over his shoulder at the Servant lying on the ground, weapon extended.

Atosaki's lips trembled with joy. "Lancer!"

"If that's all it takes to kill me…" he said, tugging roughly on Gáe Bolg, "…I wouldn't have become a Heroic Spirit in the first place!"

Kotomine flew through the air in a perfect arc before his body landed painfully on top of Lancer's. Their lifeblood intermingled and pooled around them. Both went still.

She screamed again and ran to help when an arm was thrown around her neck and something sharp went in and out her gut. The sound of her collapse after having a large, ornamental knife stuck within her was accompanied by deranged laughter.

Atosaki tried to pull it from her stomach, but the wound had healed around the blade before she could. It was trapped there, dicing her innards, and when she moved in the slightest, pain exploded madly from the entrance point.

"S-Shinji…!" she gasped, trying to stave off unconsciousness.

"It's funny the kind of trash I found around here."

The boy sniggered as he approached the unmoving forms of Lancer and Kotomine. He raised a foot and started stomping on Kotomine's chest.

"Yes, you fools! Go ahead and kill each other off!" he said gleefully.

After pausing to catch his breath, Shinji turned to Atosaki, a smile spreading from ear to ear.

"The Grail," he said as he mounted her body on hands and knees, "belongs to me! You want salvation, my dear pretty lady? I could give it to you, depending on your attitude…"

"Stop, Shinji!" screamed Rin.

"You're next, Tohsaka," he said in the most depraved manner.

Atosaki glared at him. "Never."

"Show a guy some affection," jeered Shinji, wiggling the knife deeper into her stomach before passing his slimy tongue over her cheek.

"You bastard, she's not a woman you can touch…"

Both of them looked up.

"You're still alive?!" Shinji screamed as Lancer rose from the ground.

"Like hell I'd die." He trained Gáe Bolg on his target. "Disappear!"

Shinji had been trying to run when the flying weapon caught him in the shoulder, slamming him up against the wall. A strangled chicken noise came from his throat as he squirmed away, got to his feet, and fled the scene.

"Lancer," Atosaki murmured tearfully.

He carefully picked her up with one hand, using the other to remove Gáe Bolg from where it pierced stone, then cutting Rin's bindings with its blood-red tip. When he tried to seat himself on the ground, he lost his balance and landed tailbone-first. All that time he'd made sure to keep her safe.

"Hang on," he said to Atosaki, gripping the golden handle of the knife in her stomach.

She didn't make a sound when he removed it, too overcome with relief to feel the pain.

"I'm so happy… you're okay."

"Atosaki," Rin said. "I believe you when you say you're a healer. Can you close Lancer's wound?"

She nodded weakly and reached for where he had been stabbed, but he rebuffed her almost immediately.

"A heart pierced by Gáe Bolg cannot be healed," Lancer said, holding her hand. "Not even by you. Save your strength."

He pulled away and lifted a quivering finger to draw a sigil in the air. Atosaki's eyes rounded as the shape suddenly combusted, showering flames on the ground.

"Go," he said to Rin, forcing an unstable Atosaki to her feet as the fire began to swell.

She hesitated at first, and then took Atosaki's arm.

"Farewell, Lancer," said Rin. "It's only been a short while, but I like people like you."

"Wait, Rin, what do you mean?" Atosaki asked, laboring to stand on her own. "Lancer, you're coming with us."

"Not this time," he said, eyes sad but without misgivings. "Take care of Atosaki for me, Rin."

She nodded her assent and seized Atosaki's wrist with an iron grip, using it to forcibly drag her out of the burning room.

"Wait! Lancer, I'm not leaving you! This isn't the end! It's not goodbye, I won't say it!"

Lancer smiled, his vision dulled against the glow of embers. He couldn't say it either; the parting was too much for him, and so he simply let her go. Atosaki's words no longer reached his ears, though the feeling did. He was going to miss the time they spent together. He was going to miss seeing her and holding her in his arms. Even as she faded away, even as he faded from himself, Lancer saw her smiling at him. And that was all he needed to go on peacefully.

"Goodbye," he whispered to an empty audience.

The room's wooden support beams began turning to ash and crashed noisily on the floor. Kotomine's body burned. Lancer merely sat there, slowly being consumed as well. Gáe Bolg faded from his hand. Unclean, acrid air blackened his lungs. He felt his skin charring. It felt like Atosaki had her thin little arms around him again, just once more.

"Lancer," he heard her say as his soul was gradually pulled from him.

"Ato… saki…"

"Lancer… you're heavy."

It wasn't Death dragging him along, it was actually her. She had him by the armpits, struggling to get him out of the overheated, rapidly collapsing room.

"I'm not feeding you any more red bean buns!" she exclaimed in exasperation, coughing out smoky air.

He didn't reply. Atosaki feared she had been too late again, but she refused to think that this was a lost cause. She finally stopped upon reaching the antechamber leading to the castle's entrance hall. Swords and voices clashed outside.

"Saki…" he managed to say, but she silenced him with a slender forefinger held to his lips.

"Don't worry. I'm here now."

She placed her palms to the gaping hole in his chest, feeling the muscles contract upon contact. It wasn't too late to save him. Atosaki kept telling herself that, even though the battle wasn't even half over.

Healing others was a far more complicated process than healing the self. She hardly knew how to do it in the first place. Touching an injury and actually mending it were two different things. Even worse, this was a cursed wound. No matter how hard she concentrated, no matter how hard she pushed herself, she didn't feel anything happen. She checked under her hands.

There was only blood and shredded flesh and a glimpse of a feebly beating heart.

Beads of sweat scalded her cheeks. "It's not…"

Lancer's fingers wrapped around her wrist. He looked at her with watery eyes and blood dribbling down his chin.

"Lancer, you're not allowed to die," she reaffirmed, trying to concentrate on the damage. "There's something I want to tell you."

"Say it now," he uttered between expiring breaths. "P-please…"

"Lancer. I… I_ love _you." Atosaki tried not to cry, but it wasn't working. "I love you so much and I know I sound selfish but you're all that I have left. It's not just that, I love you because you're a beautiful person and you can't die this way. I, I—"

That was all he needed to hear. Eyes closed, Lancer pulled her toward him and pushed his mouth against hers. He tasted salt and smoke. He tasted her sadness. She had removed her hands from his chest and placed them against his temples. Her soft lips were trembling, as was his entire body. With one last breath he kissed her, gently, timidly; every ounce of strength he had left was used to remain awake for it.

His spirit wavered. He didn't want to, but he had to break off first. The black world went sideways. Atosaki's arms were around him.

Her voice, he heard that last.

"Lancer…!"


	7. VII - Just Stay

_No more talk of darkness  
>Forget these wide-eyed fears<br>I'm here nothing, can harm you  
>My words will warm and calm you<em>

_Let me be your freedom  
>Let daylight dry your tears<br>I'm here with you, beside you,  
>To guard you and to guide you<em>

~All I Ask of You

* * *

><p>He saw incomplete black. The light of a full moon filtered into the sparse bedroom through a partially curtained window. An odd, gravelly noise broke the silence.<p>

Lancer realized it was him breathing, the air rattling in his throat. He coughed painfully, and something shifted next to him. Atosaki lay on his right, sleeping soundly. She took a sharp intake of breath and let out a deep exhale, all through the mouth. Her closed eyes were rimmed with worry.

It didn't make sense. He should have been dead. His hand automatically sought his chest and found it whole and unscathed. Only a slight stinging sensation lingered where his heart was, though it only worsened when he tried sitting up.

Deciding against moving from the bed, he merely took Atosaki's hand, her left in his right. Then he noticed the red markings there: a straight line with two short, perpendicular segments on either end enclosed by a rectangle and attached to a semicircle on the bottom. He knew what it was the moment he saw it. She had a Command Seal. She had become a Master—not just any Master, _his_ Master. Something other than pain welled up in his chest. He gripped her hand tighter.

Atosaki sighed contentedly, like she was having a good dream. The girl then shifted onto her side with a slight smile on her lips, peaceful, innocent. She made a soft, inarticulate sound and bowed her head so that the forehead bumped his shoulder armor with a faint thud.

"Lan… cer?"

"Hey," he said, using his hand to sweep aside her bangs.

"Lancer… Lancer?!"

Atosaki threw herself into a sitting position, staring at him with brown eyes wide. A huge smile crossed her face.

"Lancer!"

And then tears started running down her cheeks. She flung an arm over his torso and cried out.

"You're alright! I thought you were going to die, but you're alive…! You're alive, you're okay…"

Suddenly she lifted herself up and put her hands on either side of his head. Her long black hair draped over her shoulders as she leaned in and quickly kissed his mouth. When she started to retreat, embarrassed, Lancer grabbed her by the back of the head and pushed her back down so that their lips fully locked. He finally released her, completely breathless.

"I never got tell you, I love you too."

"Lancer," she gasped, her face pink, heart pounding almost loud enough for him to hear.

"Am I getting you flustered?" he asked, grinning.

"I love how you go from comatose to flirt in just a few seconds."

After a moment, Lancer turned solemn. "How did you do it?"

"I'd call it a miracle," said Atosaki as she lay back down.

"Besides that. You came back for me. You didn't give up, even when I did."

"I couldn't let you go like that," she said. "It was too painful to accept, even for Rin. After everything you did, everything we went through, I just…"

Lancer stared at the ceiling. "I wanted more time with you, too."

"…You were amazing back there."

"I would've gone out in a blaze," he said playfully.

"Oh, don't talk like that."

Atosaki sat up and looked him straight in the eye.

"Thank you, Lancer. You'll forever and always be my hero."

"Let me thank you as well, then," he said, "my Master."

"I… what?"

He tenderly lifted her hand and turned it so she could see the back.

"No way. How…?"

"I guess I was wrong," he said. "Sometimes wishes do come true."

"W-wishes…" Atosaki seemed apprehensive.

Lancer frowned. "What's the matter?"

"The Holy Grail is tainted," she said softly. "There's a last Servant, an eighth one, who intends to complete its summoning. Shirou and Rin and Saber have already set off to stop him and destroy it."

"What…? Then your wish…"

"It looks like everything from ten years ago is gone," said Atosaki with a wan smile. "It's okay though. I have you now, and that's more than enough."

Lancer smiled, faltering after a moment. "Do you think they'll be able to stop the Grail?"

"I… I'm not sure. They knew they were in for a tough fight."

Neither Lancer nor Atosaki needed to say anything to know what the other was thinking.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"Never better," he grunted, forcing himself into an upright position. "Those three will need all the help they can get."

Atosaki rolled out of bed and went around it to help him stand. He smiled at her.

"Was Saber the one who brought me back here?"

"Y-yeah."

"I should thank her myself, then."

She smiled. "You should."

Lancer collected Atosaki in his arms and left Shirou Emiya's house with sights set on the site of the Grail's evocation, Ryuudou Temple.

"Lancer, what will happen when the Grail is finally destroyed?" Atosaki asked on the way.

"…I don't really know. Either I disappear or…"

"Do you think maybe… we can actually be together?"

He looked at her fondly as he ran along. "I hope so."

"Is it okay if I want you to be by my side, always?"

"Yes. Because my love for you is timeless."

Atosaki blushed when he said that, and she snuggled closer to him even as the massive battle underway at the temple approached. It turned out that there was more than one happening at once. At the front gate, Saber and another Servant fought blade-to-blade, her golden sword pitted against his katana. Lancer decided to go from the back, Atosaki thinking it better if they first located the Grail, only to find Shirou dueling with the anomalous eighth Servant. Even though the opponent seemed overwhelmingly powerful, having many weapons at his disposal, Shirou actually held out well against him, replicating whatever was thrown at him to counterattack almost flawlessly.

When their clash created a small explosion, Lancer seized the opportunity to skirt around them. Then they saw it, the Grail's half-complete incarnation, a huge, flesh-colored mass which bubbled and swelled with blood-red fluids which pooled around it like a moat. Lancer placed Atosaki down upon spotting Rin as she ran toward the Grail.

"Rin!' Atosaki called, coming over.

She came to an abrupt halt and stared. "Atosaki? Lancer?! What're you doing here?"

"You didn't really think I'd let you guys have all the fun, did you?" he asked her.

"We'll fight the Grail together," said Atosaki.

Rin, unable to argue, nodded firmly. She turned to the island of pulpy matter.

"The first thing I can think of is to pull out the Grail's vessel. But… that just so happens to be…"

A chill ran up Atosaki's spine when she saw a familiar face embedded within the Grail. "It's Shinji…! Is he still alive?"

"Barely," replied Rin. "I guess it doesn't really matter if he—"

"Oh God, that's awful!" cried Atosaki. "We need to help him."

Lancer looked at her, incredulous. "Even after what that bastard tried to do to you, you say that?"

"He might be a disgusting person," she said, "but I don't have any right to put a price on his life. I can't stand by and let someone die. If anything else, he should survive so we can teach him a lesson later on."

Rin grinned. "Yeah, we'll do that."

"I'll go," said Lancer. "I'm probably most cut out for it."

"You can't," Rin told him. "If a Servant touches that mud, it won't be good. Let me do it. You guys just hang tight."

With that, Rin trudged through the Grail mud and clambered into the pink blob before going completely out of sight. Lancer took Atosaki's hand when he sensed her apprehension.

"I hope everything will be alright," she said, nervously biting her lip.

"Rin seems capable," he returned.

"Not just that… When we have to destroy the Grail, what if something goes wrong? What if something… something bad happens to you?"

"If somehow I cannot stay by your side after all this is over," he said, "I just want you to remember that I love you."

She nodded weakly, and Lancer forced a smile. He couldn't push his luck too far, but he really did want to remain with Atosaki. He envisioned being her Servant even after the War was over and living an actual life with her. Just because he'd never wished for a do-over didn't mean he wasn't willing to accept a fresh start, and even though he rarely settled down anywhere or with anyone, he now wanted to do so, more than ever. She was that special person who brought out the best in him. Lancer couldn't ask for anything else but her.

He gazed upon Atosaki, then sensing a third presence. Saber reached his side just as Rin emerged from the pulpy matter, supporting the unconscious Shinji.

"Hey, good to see you. You're just in time for the party," he said to the other Servant. "Thanks for lugging my sorry ass around before."

"The pleasure was all mine," she replied with a small smirk on her face.

"This thing is about to burst," Rin yelled at them. "Destroy it with your Noble Phantasms before that happens! And don't go near that mud."

"Then get out of there," said Lancer.

"Once you reach the pond," Saber said, drawing her sword, "we'll take care of the rest."

Atosaki watched, horrified, as steaming mud burst in geysers from the Grail's body and threatened to completely drown Rin.

"Be careful!"

When she tried to get closer, Lancer stopped her.

"You should stand back. I don't want you getting hurt."

He had a bad feeling about this, but of course he wouldn't say anything about it.

"Rin will probably make it to land over there," he continued, pointing. "Head over. You two will be far away enough so that…"

Atosaki gulped. "Nothing will happen to you."

"Right."

Lancer stooped slightly to kiss her on the forehead, watching wistfully as went away.

There was a scream. A storm of bright blue swords suddenly rained down on Rin. When it stopped, he saw that a path to safety had been cleared for her. She stumbled into the pool of Grail mud and turned to the Servants.

"Saber! Lancer! Now!"

Rin collapsed at Atosaki's side with Shinji in tow. Atosaki sought his chest and focused healing energy at the point of contact, just in case he was anything worse than unconscious. She looked up to see a golden glow coming from Saber's sword, Lancer standing next to her with his spear sparking with energy.

"Ex…"

"Gáe…"

"Lancer," Atosaki whispered. "Please be alright."

"…calibur!"

"…Bolg!"

There was a blinding flash followed by an earthshattering explosion. The Grail was enveloped by smoke, and when it cleared Atosaki saw that its corporeal form had disappeared, replaced by a vortex of black energy that sucked in everything around it, finally collapsing in on itself. She thought that was all. And then it started to glow violently, swallowing everything its path.

Lancer and Saber stood on the opposite bank, facing the oncoming light with calm expressions. They wouldn't be able to escape from it in time. The blue ribbon holding Saber's braided bun came loose, her golden locks flying freely in a rippling breeze. She turned to the two girls with a smile on her face.

Atosaki stared at Lancer and reached a hand out to him. His tied-back blue hair swayed as he did. He looked at her with those beautiful red eyes and a final wisecracking grin, reaching back. Even that expression began to fade.

"Lancer!"

Right before they were completely enveloped, Atosaki swore she saw Saber throw herself at Lancer, though she didn't know what good that would do. The light grew brighter and brighter until she could no longer see her beloved Servant. She shut her eyes.

When the glow faded away, she opened them again. Both Lancer and Saber had disappeared. There was no one standing where they should have been. Terror flooded over her. Absolute terror, all-consuming, like a pit of despair. Suddenly a harsh burning sensation came from her left hand, and she saw her Command Seals being washed from the skin.

"N-no…" She gripped her wrist, shaking it, like that would bring back them back. "No, no…."

"Atosaki," Rin murmured, rising to comfort her.

"It can't be. This can't be happening."

Atosaki's mouth struggled to form words as she was hugged by Rin.

"This can't be it," she said. "He's got to be there. I'm going to look for him."

Atosaki stood on unsteady legs and ran to where the Grail used to be. All of it was flat ground, the soil blackened by the mud. She dropped to her knees and began to scour the surface with quaking hands.

"Lancer, I know you're here somewhere. Come back to me."

Nothing. Atosaki rose and raised her left hand.

"I command you to come back."

Again, nothing.

"Lancer, you… you can't go yet. We stopped the Grail. It's okay now. We can be together. So come back, please."

She was met with silence.

"Please don't leave me alone. I'm so sorry, I'm so selfish, but I'm not strong enough to go on without you. It's too soon. I didn't get to say goodbye. If… if I'd known…"

Saline water soaked the earth, and she collapsed, cradling her head.

"You're an idiot, you know that? A stupid, stupid idiot. I love you so much. So much…"

The sun was beginning to rise. Rin had disappeared to somewhere, taking Shinji with her. The sounds of battle had ceased completely. Atosaki got to her feet and watched the sunlight touch the treetops.

"This doesn't seem right," she whispered. "You should be here watching this with me. Is this… really how it's going to be? I never liked unhappy endings, you know, like in the movies. They always made me cry."

Sooner or later she would have to acknowledge that she was speaking to thin air.

"I don't know where to go from here. I guess I can ask Shirou really nicely if I can stay with him, even though we're basically strangers. I'll try to go back to school, but I don't think I have an identity anymore. This is going to be hard. It would've been like that, one way or another, but it's even harder now that you're… you're gone…"

Atosaki looked around once more, halfheartedly expecting him to show up out of nowhere. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. She shook her head and decided it was best if she met up with Shirou and Rin.

Departing on that sad, empty note couldn't have been more painful.

As Atosaki turned to go, something stopped her. Physically. It felt like someone had grabbed her wrist. She looked down. Her breath caught in her throat.

There he was, or at least part of him. A disembodied hand was a start. It faded at the forearm, but she knew he was wholly there.

"Do you want to make it again… a pact with me?" asked Lancer's voice, softly, like it was echoing from a hundred miles away.

"What do you think, idiot?" she replied, quivering with pure joy and relief. "B-but… I don't know how it happened last time…"

"This should be enough…"

Atosaki felt soft lips meet her mouth. She brought her arms up and wrapped them around the air. And then he slowly started to appear, starting with his face. As he pulled away, his entire head materialized, followed by the neck and upper body, and then the lower half.

Lancer stood before her in all his glory, eyes closed, wearing that silly blue bodysuit along with the customary silver shoulder armor. The back of her hand seared, like it was being pressed by an iron, but she didn't mind in the slightest, knowing her Command Seals had returned. Lancer's eyes fluttered open, and he smiled.

"Hey, Atosaki. It's good to be back."

"It's good to have you back!" she cried, launching herself at him. "I can't believe it! I—I thought you were gone forever…"

He sighed softly, satisfied, as he held her close. "Wherever you go, wherever I am, I will come back to you, again and again, so long as you will have me."

"Lancer, thank you so much. You're all that I could ever ask for. I love you, and I know I'll never stop loving you. I'm glad… You earned your happy ending, don't you think?"

The Servant simply embraced his Master. After coming this far, that was all he wanted to do, to be with her and laugh with her and spend every possible moment by her side. Things didn't turn out so bad after all.

"Yeah, definitely."

* * *

><p>And thus Alternate Blade Works comes to a close. Thank you everyone for your support! This is the first fanfiction I've ever finished writing, which makes me really happy. ^^<p>

I suffered from writer's block for the past week, but hopefully I've done an okay job with the ending. Soon, I plan on writing about Fate/Extra, along with Prototype. I hope to see you over there as well! Again, thank you for sticking with me until the end.

Much love,

Deux


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